“the moment when the teeter-totter is perfectly parallel to the pavement”
– Melissa Kirsch “Better Half,” New York Times (6/28/25)
Paperless Post Final Update: 174 invites opened; 6 “yes,” 8 “no,” 160 non-responses.
Maddening, yet unsurprising final tally for my charity’s open house invitation. The ensuing reminder emails did nothing except encourage one invitee to send back a note accusing me of inappropriate soliciting since “We ALL have charities.” (side note: who says shit like that?!)
Now, gazing around the event, I realize that the dozens of people who did show up are all enthusiastic, encouraging and excited for my charity’s potential. So, am I mad at the rudeness? Yes. But am I grateful for the support? Absolutely! The teeter-totter sways towards “mid” again… halfway between irritated and grateful. Do I choose to tip towards the disappointment or the success? Or do I just stay “mid?”
In today’s world, with the manufactured drama of reality TV, the shaming and rage baiting of social media, the “othering” of the incessant identity politics and the isolation of a smartphone in everyone’s pocket, finding any healthy balance seems unattainable. I notice this in so many different interactions. The road rage, the horrible customer service experiences (on both sides of that phone), the passive-aggressive behavior in public places now turning to true aggression over the smallest slights, even an email implying that “your charity isn’t any more important than mine” – it makes you doubt your ability to find a balance just keeping yourself safe and happy, much less extending that balance to helping others.
Since my charity, The Lovey Project, focuses on mental wellness for children and their families, I am increasingly aware that everyone is hurting, in some way. “Until you’ve walked a mile in another’s shoes,” is a cliché for a reason. Who knows why my invitation triggered that response? Regardless, I can’t control that. I can only control my response. So, I’ve adapted two specific rules that I apply before I move forward:
- NOBODY CARES! – philosopher Alexis Rose of Schitt’s Creek sagely points out that no one is thinking of you the way you think they are. Even those that do lash out are rarely doing so because of you. Everyone is caught up in their own balancing act. If you start with that premise, it’s much easier to focus on what you need in order to find your balance.
- ARE YOU BEING RIGHT OR ARE YOU BEING KIND? – As an eldest daughter with an over-inflated sense of what’s “fair,” and an overwhelming need to fix things, I get stuck between being “right” and being “kind” a lot. I have discovered, through much trial and error, that choosing “kind” is choosing my own mental wellness. So I choose to respond to that email with a heartfelt apology. I choose to send out the good that I hope will come back to me.
So, without further ado, I present my recipe for a “mid” summer reset:
- Embrace more joy. Find it in big moments, little moments and everything in between.
- Choose to surround yourself with people who inspire your creativity, who are your cheerleaders and who lead by example.
- Choose to be one of those leaders who offer grace, encouragement and kindness to others.
- RSVP to the Invites and Show Up.
If you redefine “mid” to represent the happy middle ground of doing good and feeling good; of taking care of others by taking care of yourself; of embracing your passions so that you can feel fulfilled and fill a need in the world, you will find that you can weather the storms. You can hop over the speed bumps and duck under the obstacles. If you embrace every small victory and choose kindness and joy for yourself, above all else, that perfectly balanced teeter-totter becomes the ultimate win.
You are the greatest project you’ll ever work on. Restart. Reset. Refocus. As many times as you need. Just Don’t. Give. Up.