The Lovey Project’s Origin Story
My now mostly grown boys will never forgive me for “The Velveteen Rabbit.” They insist they remain emotionally scarred, over a decade after first hearing it:
“But the rabbit becomes real!” I protest. “Mom! The boy doesn’t get to be with his best friend EVER AGAIN! How is that a happy ending?!
Needless to say, we take our love of Loveys very seriously. We have Lovey stories that run the gamut from tragic to comedic to touching, yet somehow all tear-jerking. There’s the one where we created our own neighborhood Amber Alert for the missing dolphin, only to find him tangled in a laundry load of beach towels. The one where we thought we lost the dolphin forever, until a superhero disguised as a restaurant owner rescued it and kept it safe until we could come collect it. The one where we realized more packing supervision was required when, upon arrival at a weeklong Caribbean vacation, someone sheepishly admitted that his suitcase basically contained 24 Loveys and a swimsuit.
My favorite one involves the summer our oldest, living away from home for the first time with a baseball team, insisted he couldn’t play as well without sleeping on his very large stuffed dog. I was worried about what his housemates – all teenaged boys – would do or say if they found out, so we hid it in a pillow case. Upon discovery, the main reactions of teammates were “oh yeah, your lucky stuffed dog” and “man, I wish I’d brought mine,” leading me to believe that a) baseball players’ superstitions are weird but very real and b) there is hope for all of humanity if this is the main reaction to a Lovey by a bunch of “dudes.” It’s also the experience that cemented my belief in the power of Loveys. And that’s where The Lovey Project’s story truly begins.
In the spring of 2015, I had a short story about one of our Lovey stories published in a motherhood anthology. As I hyped up the book and offered to do author chats at book clubs, I was overwhelmed by the enthusiastic reactions. Everyone – and I me everyone – had a Lovey story to share. I had that “A-ha” moment and decided to turn that knowledge into action. I immediately registered “The Lovey Project” as a non-profit foundation and by September of 2015, it was an officially recognized 501(c)3 charity.
Of course, knowing that everyone loves Loveys and registering a charity based on that information isn’t exactly actionable on its own. So then I had to figure out what, exactly, my Loveys and I were going to do to make the world a better place. Enter Halloween.
As a family, we had been hosting Haunted House parties since 2011. Our middle son has a birthday in early November, and he loved everything about Halloween. So, for his fifth birthday, I threw a “Spooky Goofy Haunted Party” for a dozen or so of his classmates. We had a magician, Halloween-themed games, trick or treat goodie bags, and, of course, a bright green frosted cake in the shape of a monster. The biggest excitement, though, was that I turned our garage into a “Haunted House” for them to troop through. When it was over, my son said, “that was awesome, but we can do way better with a garage haunted house!” The Dean Haunted Manor tradition was born.
By 2015, we had an elaborate haunt that spanned the garage, front and side yards and most of the house. We hired a BBQ caterer and bartenders, put up tents and invited the entire community. Rain, shine, wind or snow, we had families lined up down the block to celebrate with us. Those first few years remain some of my favorite family memories of all time.
All of our generous friends and neighbors would bring hostess gifts, too. At one point, I had close to 100 various sized pumpkin-spice candles and decorations. That is when I realized we could kill two ghouls with one stone, so to speak. We insisted on no more hostess gifts, but a donation to The Lovey Project would be greatly appreciated. Those donations, in turn, granted large holiday wishes for already established charities. The Chicago Sun-Times’ Letters to Santa program, the Mercy Home program, a local children’s hospital and Operation Paperback, a charity that collects books for deployed soldiers and their families, were some of our first partners. We were able to donate between $500 and $2000 those first few years. The receiving charities were thrilled.
In 2023, my son made such an elaborate Haunted House that he was featured on “home haunt” websites and, instead of one day of merriment, we were open all four October weekends and then some, as well as creating a website with behind-the-scenes videos. This meant we were welcoming haunt enthusiasts from all over the Chicagoland suburbs, who were also incredibly kind and generous. The year that we almost cleared $20,000 in donations, I realized I could do so much more with The Lovey Project. But, what?
With the boys now in middle school, high school and college, I had more time to focus on how The Lovey Project could impact children’s lives for the better. I also began to see some alarming patterns emerge among my boys’ teenaged and young adult classmates in this post-Covid, smartphone-driven digital world,. Depression, anxiety, self-destructive habits and even suicides were becoming too common, and an underlying thread of sadness and isolation seemed pervasive. My resulting research uncovered a wealth of information about these patterns, most notably in “The Anxious Generation,” by Jonathan Haidt and many of his colleagues’ collaborative and contiguous studies.
This discovery has laid the groundwork for The Lovey Project’s new mission. Of course, no one can solve the “smartphone in everyone’s pocket” dilemma – that is toothpaste never getting back into the tube. But what we can start to change is children’s relationships to technology and the digital world. We can give them tools, tips and management skills to adapt to technology without being swallowed by it. We are calling our new initiatives, “Training Wheels for the Brain.” Our focus is on mental wellness for young children, their families and their communities. Our goals will be to help instill resiliency, mindfulness, literacy, creativity, comfort and self-confidence which, in turn, can help healthy, well-rounded children as they grow and apply these practices throughout their lives.
Of course, Loveys will always be a cornerstone of our mission, too. There is no better tactile, physical reminder of unconditional love and support than a beloved stuffed animal. So, please join us and help The Lovey Project make this world a softer, safer, more loving place for as many children (and children at heart) as possible. Because we never grow out of that need for unconditional love, support and acceptance. We never should. We all deserve it!
“So they went off together. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing”
-Quote from A.A. Milne’s “Winnie the Pooh” series