Please remind them: “Drive Safely! Make Good Choices! Your Mom Loves You!”
Early on in your child’s life, you realize that, as a parent, you have to cultivate a village and then trust that the village you’ve built will be a strong foundation on which your child can grow, thrive and ultimately succeed.
Over the years, I have written many a note to many a teacher, coach, tutor – what I call a “substitute me” – for my three boys. They vary in style and substance, but the notes all boil down to the same basic message, “Please look out for my kid and help him be the best him.”
The first such note was inspired by the cavernous, tomblike emptiness of our home after the first day I had dropped off all three boys for school, full-time. I think it was the first time I internalized that other people would see my kids more than I would for most of their days. Heck, for most of their years.
It hit me hard then and, as I prepare for the newest chapter of only one left at home, it’s hitting me even harder now. When all I can do as they leave is to bellow at their backs, “Drive safely! Make good choices! I love you!”
I re-read this first letter to myself every September. In every stage of their lives, so far, these words still ring true. Here are a few excerpts:
As I inevitably burst into tears every year upon revisiting this letter, I also take a moment to be grateful for every “substitute me” that they boys have had. Overwhelmingly, we have had great ones. Yet, even though rare, the few truly awful ones have been worth the experience, as well.
We have learned lessons from all of them. My husband and I have had to learn when to step in as parents and when to let the boys handle conflict, themselves. I have made mistakes, as have they. I look back and wouldn’t change a single thing. (Ok, fine, the psycho driver’s ed guy is an exception.)
They will always have teachers, coaches and mentors who will get to see them at their best and their worst. I believe that every “substitute me” will fulfill an important role and help guide them on their paths. I still begrudgingly hand my now mostly grown boys off to these substitutes, but with pride and confidence in the village we’ve cultivated for them.
So here’s one last note for that village:
